The Divine Solipsist, and the Problem with an Omniscient God.

"And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." (Nietzsche)

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God's Realization.

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I thought, my God,

that one day,

I would realize Thee.

To my surprise,

that wintry night,

'twas You who realized me!

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If God knows everything into being, then I must know nothing. An all-knowing God is a problem to my ego, which likes to think it knows. All my personal beliefs, plans, ideas, hopes, philosophizations, preferences, information, etc, turn to dust in the face of an omniscient Knower.

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I started to notice the sheer abyss of nothingness about two decades ago, gaping at me between the gaps in my train of thoughts. With the non-practice of meditation I allowed the gaps to get wider. My personal ideas started to slow down, then break down!... derailing me from the tracks of duality and triggering a trainwreck.

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This frag-mentation and de-mentation is a catabolic and catastrophic revelation, where the great flood of emptiness (sunyata) subsumes the personal "I," and my egoic perspective is swallowed up into a higher, alien Being.

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A direct ex-perience of God can drive home to the personal ego that it actually knows nothing, and has no will of its own, except in a relative sense in the human realm of time. In Christ's prayer, he says, "Our Father in heaven,... your Will be done," not ours.

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But to put aside our personal "will to live" is a difficult sacrifice. We anabolically exercise it everyday as part of our personal power. We think, debate, argue, judge, choose, refuse, etc. How on earth do we live according to a higher Will from the higher kingdom of Heaven?

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Even in religious matters we want to know God from our own human perspective. I pray, I go to church, I study the Bible, I philosophize, etc. Where is God in all this I-ing? The absolute always requires our subjugation; why?... because I am not God; God is me!

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A child cannot give birth to the parent. This is the ultimate authority problem. Do I assert my will as the highest; or submit (sacrifice) myself to a higher Power? Life is a great eucharistic feast of being; kingdoms devour kingdoms in the universal struggle to live. On earth we human-egos are at the top of the food chain; but in order to cross over to a higher intelligence we must decide whether to eat or be eaten up!
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"Each one loves truth because truth is the mouth of the father. His tongue is the holy spirit. Whoever touches the truth touches the mouth of the father by his tongue at the time when one will receive the holy spirit." The Gospel of Truth, Nag Hammadi Codex 1.
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Two decades ago, when I gazed into the abyss, and as Nietzsche said, "the abyss gazed back," I wondered how on earth I would ever be able to integrate this vast nothingness into my consciousness. Years later I realized that it is the abyss that it always trying to integrate us, up into its alien and higher Being, hovering above.
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This upliftment or abduction takes place via a disintegration of the human-ego, as if by an alien force acting from above. And as a human striving to become conscious of the divine, I must somehow find a way to integrate this disintegration process.
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This "via negativa" is a death process or sacramental rite-of-passage whereby I sacrifice my lower self or personal ego up to a higher Power. In the end, from an absolute perspective, God knows all into being, and by God's light I am also known. If all Knowing (omniscience) belongs to God, then in whose knowing am I currently aware?
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Even the relative self-consciousness of a lower human cannot exist without the background SpAce of the omniscient Mind. Just like these very words and ideas I now write cannot exist without the empty page, we cannot even think without the background Screen of nothingness. The words are secondary, because they cannot exist without the page; the Page is the primary Knower, because it can exist alone; and is all-one.
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The absolute Knower exists in the presence of now; humans live in the duality of time, with its tick-tock of twoness. God is a divine Solipsist, who says, "I alone exist." Our separation from the One can be healed if our libidinal consciousness is allowed to sublimate sublime and finally surrender to the higher Will of the divine Lover, who continually pronounces that all is One. This Oneness exists as the abysmal Screen behind the play of opposites, even as I now write!
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"I am the first and last.
I am the whore and holy.
I am lust outwardly, yet within me is control.
I alone exist and have no one to judge me."
            (Thunder Perfect Mind)